To Die Standing
by Rosabell
Summary: When Ziva suddenly falls to what appeared to be clumsiness in the middle of a case, she realizes something was very wrong. The team try to give her room, but as it becomes more and more obvious something is very wrong, they try to figure it out...
1. Chapter 1

To Die Standing

Chapter 1

She knew it was more than it seemed, even then. They had been inside the garage, lying in wait thanks to Abby's instructions. The truck was going to drive in any minute now, and she and Tony were to catch them in the act. Gibbs and McGee remained outside the garage door with the other squad members.

" What the hell's taking them so long?" Tony grumbled. " I'm starving."

" I'm surprised you still remember your stomach." Ziva replied nonchalantly. " Guess they weren't kidding when they said the stomach's the man's second brain."

" Who said that? Besides, give me a break. I haven't eaten since breakfast this morning."

" Holy cow, you missed _one _meal. You must be dying."

" I am."

Before Ziva could make another comment, however, she heard the rumble of a truck's engine. Tony heard it as well, and he instantly quieted down. " They're coming." He whispered.

" I noticed." Ziva replied dryly. " Is it them?"

" Of course it's them." Tony took a look anyway. " Yup. It's them. Boss," He said to the headset, " They're here."

" We noticed." Gibbs replied with the same tone as Ziva. " Wait until they're all out."

" Right Boss." Tony replied. " Are they coming out?"

" Two guys," Ziva informed him, keeping a sharp eye. " Back door's opening though, don't know how many…two…three…four…there's seven in total."

" We get them now?"

" Don't think anyone else is coming out." Ziva held up a hand. " We should circle around the back though, just in case."

" Well we can't do that." Tony turned to the headset again. " Boss, can't tell if anyone's still in the truck."

" McGee's already on it." Gibbs replied. A few seconds later, he said, " DiNozzo, they're all out."

Tony gave Ziva the signal and they both jumped out simultaneously.

" Freeze!"

" Hands in the air!"

The men instantly dropped what boxes and supplies they were holding. Some reached for their guns, while others complied with instructions.

" Put your guns down!" Gibbs yelled. McGee emerged from behind one of the walls.

" NCIS!"

They had the situation under control. They were not going to shoot under such circumstances, now that they are surrounded on all sides. She could already see some of them beginning to lower their guns.

And then the strangest thing happened.

" Put your guns down!" Gibbs was repeating, and then Ziva suddenly lurched forward , and dropped her gun while falling on her hands.

A shot rang in the air, and Ziva heard the bullet whizz over her head. Tony fired next to her, and the man who shot the first bullet dropped to the floor. She hurriedly grabbed her gun. Tony looked sideways at her.

" Woman," he whispered, " You sure have great timing when it comes to clumsiness."

Ziva was so shaken she did not even reply.

They rounded up the terrorists, handing them over to the squad team. Gibbs gave her a sharp look when the team reunited at his car.

" Are you okay?" McGee asked, looking like it was a bit difficult for him to ask that. Ziva would normally be extremely resentful of that question; tripping on the floor? What was she, five years old?

But the horrible fact was that she did _not _trip. She had simply fallen over. For what had seemed like no reason at all. Resentful as she might be under other circumstances, Ziva could not snap at McGee. She was wondering the same thing.

Still, no need to cause anyone to worry. Gibbs would probably be even more annoyed than he apparently is. " I'm fine." She said flatly.

" Just a little, you know," Tony twirled his finger around his temple suggestively. He was not going to let go of this one. " Tomorrow's headlines: Great Mossad assassin, killed last night because she tripped over her own feet and dropped her gun."

" DiNozzo!" Gibbs snapped from a few meters away. " Quit fooling around and get to work!"

" Right boss." Tony instantly snapped to attention and hurried to Gibbs' side. Ziva watched him go, feeling very cold. Beside her, McGee asked her again, " You sure you're okay, Ziva?"

" I'm fine." This time she really _was _resentful.

oO

Many things can be worse than death. As the years go by one learns more and more that life is so much more complicated than death. When it comes to someone dying a gruesome death, the death itself is not gruesome. The dying part is the part that has everyone wincing. After all, when a person is dying, they are not dead _yet,_ which makes all the difference. It explains, then, why despite the fact that the team members each trust each other with their lives out on the field, there are a great many things they do not reveal to each other. Things about their past, their present, what makes them motivated, what makes them cry, the things they love and the things they fear. They were a team. They were not family. Not for real, anyway.

Life is so fragile, yet so tough. And Ziva, herself, knew she was both tough and fragile. Soft on the inside–she was a woman, after all, and had treasures to hide within her that she could not allow others to touch easily; hard on the outside, forced by the stress of having to grow up too fast in a world filled with bloodshed and hate. For the most part the toughness protected her heart and her mind, a hard shell encasing around her like an all-around shield. She had always feared that one day a blow too hard will crack that shell and she will lie bleeding like a squashed bug.

It was not until now that she suddenly realized the danger could come from within.

The day's deeds done, what harm caused was no harm after all. Tony was forced to kill a man, but he did it in a stride. It was to protect Ziva, who had been down and helpless on the ground, and he wasted no time poking fun of her, saying, " Chivalry is alive yet again! Sweet damsel falls at the mercy of hooligans!" to which, try as she might, Ziva honestly had no reply. In the end, it was, surprisingly, Gibbs who put an end to it, with a sharp " DiNozzo, don't you have somewhere to _be?"_ Or, perhaps not so surprising, as Gibbs always seems to know when enough is enough. Still, Ziva had been unable to speak at all, to anyone, for the rest of that evening as they packed their things to leave, and McGee had been forced, perhaps by the years of having known Ziva's most likely responses, to ask Tony " You think she's a sweet damsel?"

Ziva went home before she could hear Tony answer.

The streets were brighter than she remembered. The lights were so bright they blurred together, and Ziva knew she will have a migraine by morning. She was exhausted, as she usually was after a case just closed, and she wanted nothing more than to drop on her bed and sleep. But the first thing she did when she arrived in her apartment was to look at herself in the mirror for a long time. She did not even take off her shoes and her coat. She considered her features, as if she had changed, morphed into something she did not recognize. Then she tried to stand on one leg, still staring at herself in the mirror.

She could not do it.

oO

" What do you think is up with her?" McGee asked.

" How should I know, Probie?"

" Well, you were with her earlier." McGee pointed out. " Did…something happen?"

" Nothing happened." Tony shrugged. " I'm as puzzled as you."

" I wonder what's wrong." McGee frowned. " She wasn't even reacting to your jokes."

" I noticed." Tony returned, his tone very similar to Ziva's and Gibbs' when they said the same words. " Whatever it is, doubt we can do anything about it. She's Ziva."

" Well, yeah," McGee relented. " I guess."


	2. Chapter 2

To Die Standing

Chapter 2

As puzzled as McGee and Tony were, by the next day everything was forgotten. How many times have they had close calls, after all? No one was perfect, and it is ultimately up to fate and luck to keep them alive and breathing day after day. Morning brought a new day, with its challenges. Computers turned on, passwords typed, elevators resonating their ringing sounds as the agents went to their respective floors. Coffee. Quick breakfast. People ignoring each other–they do not know each other anyway, being on separate teams. Papers, telephones ringing, false alarms, jokes, prank calls–why are they going through this nonsense? Beepers, cellphones, spouses calling in, family calling in–this is no place for personal business! Take it outside! Another call–a new case; they were to drive about twenty miles out of the city to investigate a murder scene.

" How do they know it's a murder scene?"

" Because it's kind of hard to hang yourself by the back of the neck on a nail on a telephone pole."

" What the hell?"

" Don't ask. I don't know either." Tony shrugged.

More McGee jokes, until they arrived at the scene. Gibbs was oddly patient, though when Tony continued his name-calling even when the car stopped, Gibbs snappishly told Tony to cut it out and get to work. Ziva, wearing her hat with her hair tucked in, blinked in the sunlight and flexed her gloved hands before fetching her camera.

" Ooh." She exclaimed nonchalantly. " That can't be comfortable." The man was, indeed, hanging by the back of his neck on the pole by _something._ Like a jacket on a hook. This certainly smelled like foulplay to her.

" Marine lieutenant, was about two weeks into his month off. Wonder what he did to piss whoever it was off."

" What makes you think he pissed anyone off?"

" Well I don't know for sure, since Ducky's not here, but I'll bet it's not that easy to hang someone like that."

Ziva stepped closer to the corpse. " Leeches!" She muttered under her breath, spotting the black parasites on the pale, dead skin. " I hate leeches."

" You scared of them?" Tony grinned.

" No, I did not say I was scared of them." Ziva replied, annoyed. " But hey, if you love them so much, why don't you take them?"

" Bag them." Gibbs told Tony before he moved to interrogate the witnesses. " They're evidence."

This time Tony grimaced. " Ew. Why me?"

Gibbs gave him the familiar stern look.

" Right." Tony grinned sheepishly. " On it, Boss."

Gibbs turned and walked away.

" I can't believe you actually asked him that." Ziva shook her head. " After all these years!"

" Yeah, well, I don't like leeches." Tony grumbled. He could not believe he asked Gibbs that either, but then he had not been thinking at the time.

" Scared?" Ziva grinned.

" Would you like to switch?" Tony asked with fake sweetness.

" Hey, he specifically told _you._" Ziva held up her hands, with the camera in one. " Not getting in the way of that."

" Yeah, well, you're just chicken." Tony scowled at the sight. _Ewwwww..._

" Sure thing, Tony." The camera clicked.

The leeches were alive. They wiggled and flipped from head to toe and did little cartwheels on the skin before settling in. As Tony pulled the leeches off, a burst of blood welled from the puncture hole.

" Huh." Tony gave Ziva a puzzled look, disgust forgotten for the moment. " Correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't dead people, you know, not supposed to bleed?"

" Guess it depends on how long he's been dead." Ziva's camera clicked as she took another picture. " Maybe Ducky could explain what's going on."

Ducky arrived with palmer, heading straight to business as usual. He pressed his gloved hand on the man's throat as if checking for a pulse.

" How odd." Said the old man. " He's still bleeding. And there's a pulse, too."

Ziva and Tony exchanged a look.

" Does that mean he's still...alive?" McGee asked nervously, while Gibbs looked at the corpse in alarm. What if the man was really still alive? They would have to call the ambulance!

" No. He's dead." Ducky shook his head. " He simply has a pulse. He is decaying already." He stepped back, gesturing to Palmer.

" Wait..." McGee blinked. " How is that possible?"

" He's a zombie!" Tony grinned, his teeth flashing bright white in the sun. " He's going to suck your blood, McDonald. It's for that book you're going to write about him. He's out to get you."

" I was not going to write anything about him." McGee scowled at Tony.

" That was lame." Ziva opined to Tony. " You're losing your touch, Tony."

" Well he's not alive, definitely. He's been dead for more than three days, from the looks of it." Ducky replied. " Hm. How peculiar. I think this will be quite an interesting autopsy."

Ziva's ankle gave out suddenly and she staggered to the side to recover herself. Tony turned to her, grin widening.

" What, Zeeva, are _you _scared of the zombie?"

" Get real," Ziva snapped.

" Boss," McGee suddenly approached. No one had noticed he was even gone after Tony's remark. " Found this scrap of cloth. Not sure who this belongs to."

" Bag it." Gibbs replied impatiently. " You don't need me to tell you everything!"

" Er, right, Boss." McGee ducked his head and went away again.

" Or maybe you're actually a necrophiliac." Tony went on. " Since you're falling for the guy. Get it? 'Falling'?"

" DiNozzo, get the rest of those leeches out." Gibbs commanded, cutting him off abruptly. " David, if you can't stand up straight go home and take care of things until you can."

" I'm fine, Gibbs." Ziva said rather solemnly.

Gibbs gave her a brief look before turning around to speak to another inspector. Ziva stepped away from the corpse to get more pictures of the surrounding area.

" Alright, fine," Tony muttered to himself. " That _was _kinda lame. Sorta."

oO

More phone calls, scanning files on the computer. Marton Reslon, age 26, was a marine since he was 21 and had been promoted to lieutenant for about 2 years. No history of any criminal activity before or after he became marine, nor was he ever reported to be a drug addict. No one within the navy that were on bad terms with him, so it must be on the outside.

" I'm starving."

A lot of the time the work was boring. It was simply compiling information to sum to a proper conclusion, and getting that information will take as long as it needs to, no matter how much one tries to rush it. Of course, it would be nice if Ziva helped out, but for some reason today Ziva seemed content to rest her head on the table for five minutes for every two minutes of work. Once the boss gets here, Tony was definitely going to tell on her if she does not clean up her act.

McGee was much more sympathetic. " Ziva...are you okay?" He asked.

Ziva jerked up. " I'm fine." She stared intently at her computer and began scrolling down vigorously. Tony doubted, even with her photographic memory, that she was able to actually understand anything that was on the screen. McGee obviously thought the same thing.

" Uh...okay," He gave Tony a questioning look, which Tony ignored.

A few seconds of silence elapsed. The two men were so confused that once again, when Gibbs arrived, it took everyone by surprised.

" What do you have?"

" Uh," Tony proceeded to recite everything he had learned. At the end, he was met only with Gibbs' blank stare.

" That it?" Gibbs demanded. " That's all you got for me? Ziva, go home until you can see without going cross-eyed." He said to her shortly, startling Ziva, who blinked, almost owlishly, at her desk. " Hurry up and get me more. This is not going to help us get the killer! Come on!" He grabbed his coffee. The team sat there, still, and he looked at them all in turn. " Do I have to bring a club?"

At this, McGee and Tony instantly sat up, at attention. Ziva rubbed her eyes, wondering whether she was actually cross-eyed. She was about to get back to work, but Gibbs suddenly slammed his own coffee on her desk. Before she could react, he was walking away. Clearly the coffee was a way of saying 'Go home or else'. Funny how she could now read so much of Gibbs' intentions.

With the other two focused on their own work, Ziva glanced uncomfortably back and forth, before slowly getting up and getting her coat. She did not touch the coffee as she left her desk, nor did she say good bye. Tony looked up when she left, but throughout the entire time both he and McGee had been silent.


	3. Chapter 3

To Die Standing

Chapter 3

" Should have known," Ducky was saying the next morning, " He has an artificial heart, which, so long as it has batteries, kept pumping and prevented the blood from clotting, as long as they haven't lysed."

" So why haven't they lysed?" Palmer asked.

" Too much oxygen." Ducky replied, falling into his philosophical modes again. " The Chinese have a saying, which basically sums up to everything must be balanced. Even William Shakespeare himself said something to that effect–'Less is more'. Too much of a good thing can be a bad thing; as you know, too much food leads to obesity and diabetes, too much water leads to hypertension and water poisoning, and too much oxygen, useful and vital as it were, can also lead to death."

" So this man was exposed to high levels of oxygen?" Palmer inquired.

" No, Mr. Palmer. If he were exposed to high levels of oxygen, there would be scarring of the lungs due to lysing of alveoli cells. His blood is carrying much more oxygen than normal, not because of external exposure, but because of a drug that allows more oxygen to dissolve in his bloodstream, which made his blood too basic and damaged his organs. His blood is, essentially, the only tissue in his body that remains alive, and only for a few more days at most, for he is no longer making new blood cells as, obviously, he is dead."

The elevator rang, and Gibbs walked in briskly, demanding, " What have you got for me Ducky?"

Ducky efficiently told Gibbs what he had just told Palmer.

" Why would a lieutenant have an artificial heart?"

" That, my friend, is not my field of expertise." Ducky told Gibbs. " I can only tell you the biological facts."

" How was the drug administered?"

" That remains to be scene. Abby is running tests." Ducky replied. " There are no puncture wounds I can see, save for the one made by the hook, which could not be the source because there are no signs of struggle. Abby is running the samples drawn from his blood and contents of his stomach to see if it might be ingested, but until she provides more data, I cannot tell you with certainty how our friend was drugged."

Back at the main desks Gibbs wasted no time giving orders for the investigation. As he came out of the elevators, he saw Ziva, carrying a stack of papers and then dropping them on the floor without any visible reason.

" Whoa, Ziva," Tony exclaimed, half in amusement and half in surprise, " Since when did you become Miss Butterfingers?"

" The lieutenant has an artificial heart." Gibbs called out before Ziva could reply. Feeling short, because the previous day had yielded no results, he snapped again, " DiNozzo! Figure out why we didn't know this earlier. "

" Yes boss!"

" Start with his home." Gibbs added.

" Er, Boss," Tony blinked Gibbs stepped over to Ziva's desk instead of to his own, as Tony had expected he would, " Are you coming or..."

" Do you need a babysitter, DiNozzo?"

" Ah, heading out now...Boss," Tony glanced at the scattered papers on the floor. All this time, Ziva had been looking at the papers but not making any move to pick them up. She had not even looked at Gibbs yet, nor listened to him.

" You, come with me." Gibbs woke Ziva out of her temporary stupor. " McGee, clean this up," He gestured at the papers.

" But Boss, I'm looking up the artificial heart–" McGee started, but Gibbs was walking briskly towards the elevator. He did not even bother glaring at McGee.

" I...guess I'll clean that up...and then start working." McGee felt a little stupid now, as he left his desk. Ziva took a step toward the elevator, and then glanced down at the mess, debating whether to help McGee first or follow Gibbs. Her decision was made when Gibbs abruptly turned around.

" Well?" He demanded. " Have all of you regressed to beginners or something?"

At this, Ziva hurried over to Gibbs, stumbling once on the way. No one commented on this.

When the two disappeared, Tony laughed once at the sight of McGee bending over to pick up the papers, before recalling exactly what it was that caused the scene. His smile felt a little uncomfortable on his face at that thought, and he decided to give up making fun of McGee and grab his keys. Once he finishes figuring out about the artificial heart, he can ask Ziva what exactly was wrong with her lately.

" Er, you could help, you know," McGee looked up at Tony.

" What, Probie, why would I do that?" Tony suddenly felt good again. He leaned against the desk. " If I help you I can't watch you, after all."

McGee sighed.

The elevator rang, signaling its arrival, and Gibbs headed in. Ziva followed warily. " Where are we going?"

Gibbs did not answer, waiting for the elevator to close. As it moved up he suddenly pulled the stop switch.

Ziva flinched in alarm.

Gibbs turned to her. " What's going on, David?"

Ziva was speechless. " I...I don't know what you mean–"

" One slip, I can take." Gibbs snapped. " You've been falling all over the place nonstop for the last three days. Are you sick?"

" Not that I know of...sir,"

" Whatever problems you're having," Gibbs pointed at her, " I want them solved. And don't set foot here until you resolve everything. Do you understand? I won't have you jeopardizing the team."

" I'm fine sir. I won't jeopardize the team."

" _No, _you are _not _fine, and if this goes on you're going to get someone killed." Gibbs glared at her. " Go see a doctor and figure out what is going on."

" It's just a passing thing, Gibbs–"

" Do you want me to take this to the director?"

Ziva was silent for a moment. " No sir."

Gibbs pressed the stop button to start the elevator again.

oO

" Okay, so the drug increases the blood's oxygen-carrying capacity. I did...analysis, and found that...had this structure," Some image of a molecule that was completely meaningless to Gibbs, " and this element right here, ...nium, which is very important because there are only two places in this country that is producing this element and one of them is this company." The company logo jumped on the screen.

Gibbs, who ignored all the technical and scientific jargon, snapped to attention at the logo on the screen. " _Pfizer?_"

" Correct." Abby grinned, taking a drink of her caf-pow. " One of their headquarters is located here. They are the ones dappling with it–hoping to use this radioactive element to cure cancer, though fat chance of that."

" Good work, Abby." Gibbs rapidly walked away, while Abby grinned to herself.

" My job is _so _cool."

Upstairs, Tony and McGee had just returned from the lieutenant's home.

" He kept it secret. Had a friend who kept it under wraps." Tony said. " He just wanted to stay a marine...I guess."

Gibbs, who already expected nothing worthwhile to come from any inquiry into the artificial heart, broke off whatever McGee was about to say by snapping, shortly, " We're heading out to Pfizer."

Distracted by the fact that Gibbs had come back without Ziva, Tony blurted out before he could think: " But Boss...we just got back, and it's lunchtime. Where's Ziva?"

" You want lunch?" Gibbs asked dangerously. How long have they worked for him again?

" Er, no, actually, not that hungry." Tony gulped.

Ignoring the question about Ziva, Gibbs went past back to the exit. Tony and McGee glanced at each other, then at Ziva's empty desk.

" Boss is in a bad mood." McGee observed.

" Ya _think, _Probie?"


	4. Chapter 4

To Die Standing

Chapter 4

It had not been what she would call an emergency, but she wanted to get back to work. In hindsight, she could live with a day or two not knowing. Or a week or two. They scheduled her the appointment that same afternoon and ran some physical tests. Then, out of the blue, they asked for a blood sample.

Ziva had physicals before. They do occasionally ask for blood samples, but that was for testing things like cholesterol. She already had her cholesterol tested before and it was fine. Did they think her blood sugar was low?

The results came back unusually fast. In fact, the results came back that evening. Normally it takes a month for bloodwork to be completed, or at least she believed that was the case in the US. They called and asked her to head over to the hospital. The doctor had something important to say.

Tony had once joked that Jewish people have the most genetic disorders. Ziva hid her true thoughts on the matter, but she had felt deeply offended at the time and had refused to talk to Tony that day, until, to her surprise, the man actually sensed it and apologized to her. In his own way. Ziva would not even call it an apology if it came from anyone else, but this was Tony DiNozzo. The fact that he even came that close was a miracle of God.

_So there is no cure._

Of course not. If there was a cure, would it be so bad? Would the doctor have asked her to come to the hospital to personally tell her of the bad news?

_Well there must be something! Something that can be done! This is the twenty-first century!_

Yes, but the twenty-first century cannot outsmart death. Not yet, anyway, if ever.

_Are they doing anything at all?_

They are testing treatments, however none of them have been proven to work on humans. It is possible that in time a cure will be found. Until then, there is no way to alter its course.

_How long do I have?_

Not long. Several years, perhaps, but the disease is progressing rapidly. She would be bedridden long before she succumbed.

_What to say to Gibbs? _Ziva wondered. What to say to her father? Does she even want them to know? She could pretend nothing is wrong. She will go through physical therapy on the side.

_I won't have you jeopardizing my team._ And that would be exactly what she is doing if she chooses to hide this.

But what would happen if she spoke? Gibbs would not keep her on the team. It would not make sense. She just as dangerous to the team if they knew what was going on. And her father? He would call her back, most likely. There is no sense keeping his daughter here.

She will spend the rest of her life in ignominy. However long it is.

_One last case. _Ziva thought to herself. _Can't keep this from Gibbs. What if they try to save you and got hurt in the process? Have to tell Gibbs. But no leaving. Get Gibbs to have you in for one last case. How much longer will this case take, anyway? It would be solved with enough progression to spare. And he now has a dispensable team member. There is no one more dangerous than one without anything to lose._

Will he agree?

_Blackmail. You've used it before. In interrogations. _Gibbs will not respond well to her interrogation tactics, but Ziva was desperate. _You saved his life. You killed your own brother for his sake. God damn it, he _owes _you this much!_

What about the director?

_The director must not know. _She would be dismissed, for sure, if the director knew. And her father? He does not have to know either. Not yet, anyway. Later, perhaps.

She reached for her keys in the dark. She had come home without turning on the lights. In fact, she had come home without even putting her bag aside, simply dropping onto the couch to stare at the life she had known. It took her several tries to grab them successfully. She ignored it. With any luck, she will be dead before she cannot grab them at all.

oO

Earlier that day they reached a bit of a block.

" Everything we generated is accounted for." Said the head of the lab. " Don't go in there! It's dangerous!"

" Well someone pumped a marine full of radioactive drug." Gibbs said dryly. " Obviously, everything is _not _accounted for."

" If it's not, then we did not generate it." The man replied. " I'm sorry sirs, but I can't help you."

" Is it possible," McGee stepped forward, " That someone here did not record in the log?"

" You mean they secretly made it?" The head of the lab said dryly. " Impossible. This stuff is dangerous, and we have guards posted out to keep people _out. _Every time someone needs to go in there they have to sign out uniforms and write down why they're going in there."

" Can we talk to your guards then?" Gibbs asked.

The guards kept a log as well, and when compared, everything was, as the head of the lab said, accounted for.

" Dead end then," Tony muttered.

Literally, as Gibbs' cell phone rang as soon as he stated this. The older agent moved to the side to speak in relative quiet while McGee and Tony looked at each other. It felt strange not having Ziva with them. _Three is a crowd. _Tony decided. _And I guess I like crowds._

" Wonder what happened to Ziva." McGee said out loud.

Hearing McGee sounding concerned made Tony think he, himself, was not, even though a minute before he had actually wanted to say the same thing.

" Probably falling over dead guys again." Tony grinned.

" I don't think it was that simple." McGee said seriously. " You think something's wrong with her?"

" It's Ziva." Tony said carelessly. " What do _you _think?"

Used to Tony's attitude, McGee shrugged half-heartedly. " She's still human."

" McGee! DiNozzo!"

oO

It was another body. This time Ducky was not around to analyze it at the scene; he had gone home.

_Hung by the back of the neck again. _Tony thought, the words resonating with Ziva's voice, kind of like that time when he conjured up the vision of Kate in the Catholic schoolgirl's uniform, and her ensuing scream afterwards. _Killer wants us to know it's him._

" Leeches again." McGee grimaced. " Why are they always covered in leeches?"

" Don't know." Tony replied. " Bag them, McGee."

" What?" McGee protested.

" Hey, I bagged them last time. It's your turn."

McGee made an expression of disgust.

" What, scared?" Tony teased.

" Not scared. But they're still gross. They're even worse than maggots."

_Tell me about it. _And apparently Ziva ate maggots once, if McGee's story was anything to go by. Tony wondered if she ever ate leeches. That sounded like something totally different from maggots. Even if they were both wriggly and slimy.

At least the leeches were mostly dead this time. This one's heart was not pumping because it was a normal heart.

" Not a marine." He heard someone say to Gibbs. " He's part of the air force. Was going to be discharged next week, too."

" Any idea why someone would want to kill him?" Gibbs asked, in a bored tone.

The answer was not conclusive, so Tony turned his attention back to the scene. _God it's so weird not having Ziva here._

" Ugh." McGee made another face.

" Got a problem, McGee?" Gibbs called over in an irritated tone.

" No Boss." McGee called back, a bit resigned. " I'm alright."

Gibbs, who was not really interested in whether McGee was alright, turned his attention back to the inspector.

" Wish Ziva were here." McGee muttered under his breath, but Tony heard him.

_Yeah. _Tony admitted to himself. _Me too. _But hell will freeze over before anyone catches him saying that out loud.


	5. Chapter 5

To Die Standing

_Spinal Muscular Atrophy (SMA)_

_A collection of disorders caused by a genetic defect which results in weakness of muscles due to degeneration of motor neurons of the spinal cord and brainstem. Defects are commonly diagnosed with a gene test, which searches for a duplication of the SMN (Survival motor neuron) gene in chromosome 5. The symptoms of the disease are caused by deficiency of the SMN protein. The disorder does not affect mental coordination, but paralysis is progressive and will often eventually lead to death due to asphyxiation from weakened muscles which support breathing. In general, SMA is more serious in infants, though some with SMA were able to survive into adulthood. As a usual rule, the later the development of symptoms, the longer the lifespan of the individual.  
_

_As of yet, there are no treatments that can reverse the course of progression._

Chapter 5

" Ugh, how could I not have seen this before? I was so distracted by the radioactive chemical!" Abby grabbed the collar of her labcoat. " So, leeches inject this protein into the host which prevents blood from clotting. They were using leeches to inject this molecule in."

" How are they doing that?" Ziva asked. " It's radioactive."

Behind her, Tony and McGee were staring, paying more attention to her than to Abby. That morning, Ziva had come in, looking for all the world like she had not been sent home just a day ago, and Gibbs did not ask her why she was back. Ignoring something like that was a very Gibbs thing to do, actually, but when Ziva had fell on Gibbs' desk and spilled coffee over the keyboard, the man had not commented at all. Well, he did comment, with a snappy " Would you look where you're going?" But in the grand scheme of things, that was very much Gibbs, _ignoring _the problem.

Ziva was not very forthcoming either. Tony tried to bug her into telling him what the problem was, but she was extremely tight-lipped about it. Not to mention, unlike Tony's case with the sperm bank, there did not seem to be too many appropriate jokes to be made of Ziva suddenly losing her motor abilities. They were rare enough that they seem to happen only once in many hours, but even in a normal adult it all screamed " serious" to Tony. When he did summon enough will to press harder, Ziva had snapped, adamantly, that Tony should learn to mind his own business.

" Mind my own business?" Tony had cried. " Hey, who was the one that kept digging into my sperm donations?"

" You were practically welcoming the attention, DiNozzo." Ziva shot back, with such vehemence that Tony had instantly shut up. That, and the fact that she suddenly chose to refer to him by his last name.

It had been impossible to dig further at that point.

" You know," McGee opined to Tony, as they watched the boss and Ziva with Abby, " I kind of doubt whatever issues she needed to resolve were...you know, resolved."

" No kidding, Probie." Tony said dryly. In this line of work, no one has time for redundancies.

" So how come the Boss isn't saying anything?"

Tony was wondering about that too. " He probably knows something we don't. He just doesn't feel like telling us."

" So engineering cockroach-leeches? In order to put radioactive drugs into someone's bloodstream? Isn't it all a lot easier to just inject the thing into the guy if you're going to kill him?"

" Well," Here Abby looked more serious, " Guy seems to have a very sadistic taste. I mean, dealing with radioactive material has always been kind of, you know, dangerous. So _my _theory is, they engineered these leeches with cockroach characteristics which allows them to be immune to their own, new radioactive enzymes. They find the guy, take him to a room, then release these leeches which can then kill the guy without them having to be exposed to radiation."

" Seems like a likely theory. But this doesn't tell us where the guy is."

" Okay, so if Pfizer does not work, I looked up some places around here that work on leeches and cockroaches. This lab, Michaelson's lab," Abby pointed, " Works on both."

" Do you have the address?" Gibbs asked.

" Already wrote it down for ya." Abby grinned, handing him the slip of paper. " He's at Calvern Institute."

" Very good, Abby." Gibbs headed briskly out the door. Ziva stumbled a little, almost imperceptibly, on her way out. Tony and McGee exchanged a look. They then turned to Abby, who was wearing a look of complete confusion.

oO

" Yes." Said the research associate. The head of the lab was away on vacation, so he took over dealing with NCIS. " We happen to work on both roaches and leeches. We also work on tons of other stuff; ants, termites, tapeworms, mosquitoes, ticks, fleas, you name it. Doesn't mean we had anything to do with your case."

" Any genetic engineering going on here, doc?" Gibbs asked, as the research associate was a Ph.D.

" Of course there's genetic engineering! What lab doesn't do genetic engineering? Depends on what kind you mean!"

" Well, merging roaches with leeches, for example." Gibbs replied.

" Not officially." Said the associate. " Mostly it's just mutated leeches with leeches. We fertilize the eggs and inject a virus which may add, delete, or modify a code for a protein, then we grow the leeches to see what happens to it."

" What proteins are you working on?"

" Anti-clotting enzyme." Some name that Gibbs did not care about. " We were thinking, if we can modify the leech, it can instead secrete enzymes that help with diseases like hemophilia."

" Clotting enzyme, you mean." Tony broke in.

" That's regulatory." The associate replied.

" Any of this radioactive?" Ziva asked. Tony glanced at her. Yesterday it had been strange not having her around. Today, seeing her so normal, felt even stranger.

" Radioactive?" The associate looked baffled. " We have radioactive isotopes, yes, but what do you mean?"

" Well what do you use the radioactive stuff for?"

" Labeling!" The associate went through some more jargon. " We use radioactive isotopes to mark the DNA for southern blotting! Every genetics based lab does that! We also have radioactive antibodies for western blotting, northern blotting. What are you getting at?"

Gibbs wished he remembered the name of the element. All he could remember was –nium, which was not very specific when talking about radioactive compounds. He turned around and took out his cell phone while Ziva continued to talk to them.

" You got any protactinium?" He asked when he hung up on Abby.

" Protactinium?" The associate looked bewildered, enunciating the syllables in that special way people do when they are not familiar with the word. " When I said radioactive isotopes, I don't mean that sort of stuff. What, you think we're making nukes here? I didn't even know there was a protactinium.'

" Well, you mind looking in your fridge, buddy?" Tony towered over the man. He was a good head taller than the scientist. " Probably your secretary decided to order some behind your back."

" Impossible." The associate headed over to the refrigerator anyway. " We'd have to explain why we need it. Last time we ordered francium, " And had to explain to both Howard Hughes and the Calvern what we intended to use it for, and fill out this huge list of papers and documents promising that we wouldn't make an explosive out of it. That one, mind you, was _not _radioactive, though if you ever mix that with water...don't mix that with water. We'd have a lot of explaining to do if we wanted to order something like...what was it? Protactium?"

" I'm sure you would." Gibbs folded his arms as the associate looked through the refrigerator.

He then did something very bizarre. He had been standing next to the research associate, with Ziva on the other side. He suddenly moved over to Ziva, pushing her back a little, and took his place in front of her, blocking her view.

Tony and McGee looked at each other.

" No." The scientist shook his head. " I can't find anything."

" You mind if we get some agents here to search?" Gibbs asked.

" Can you wait on that?" The associate asked. " This isn't my lab, you know. I just work here."

" When's your boss getting back?"

" He's supposed to come in tomorrow."

" Call him and tell him to come in tonight."


	6. Chapter 6

To Die Standing

Chapter 6

Usually Gibbs pairs Ziva with Tony. McGee works much better with Abby, not to mention, in terms of fieldwork, Tony and Ziva were both more experienced than McGee. It probably stemmed from the fact that Tony and Kate used to work well together, and Ziva seemed to fit her part rather well.

This time, when they were to ask the members of the air force squad what exactly happened that night, Gibbs specifically told Tony to go with McGee.

" But Boss," McGee blinked, confused, " Abby could really use my help—'

" She's been on her own before." Gibbs said sharply. " She can do so again."

McGee gave Ziva an uncertain look.

" Don't worry, Probie." Tony said flippantly. " I won't embarrass you. Too much, anyway."

" What about Ziva?" McGee asked.

" She'll be staying with me. You got a problem with that?" Gibbs asked.

" No Boss," McGee said nervously, quickly moving from behind his desk.

" This will be fun." Tony taunted McGee on their way out. " You and me. Guy's night out."

They disappeared out the door.

Ziva looked at Gibbs, unsure what to say. Gibbs ignored her pointedly, gulping his coffee down like he was chugging beer. He probably wanted a beer, from the looks of it.

" Thanks Gibbs." She said quietly.

" Don't you dare thank me, Ziva David." Gibbs replied irritably from his desk. " What the hell am I supposed to do with you?"

oO

" Boss is protecting Ziva."

For once, Tony decided not to respond with a curt " Pretty damn obvious!" Or something of that nature. Truthfully, it really was not that obvious, not to mention Ziva hardly seemed to be someone who needed protecting, and even if she did, Gibbs hardly seemed to be the likeliest candidate for the job.

Actually, Tony was really put out. One would think, after all the stuff he had to put up with from Ziva, if anything ridiculously bad happened, she would give him _some _basic idea. Sure, they throw enough insults at each other to break apart any family, but hell, except for the details of Jean Benoit, it was not like he kept any other secrets from her. In fact, if it were up to him, Ziva would be among the first to know about Jean Benoit, assuming he actually loved that girl. If he did love Jean, he would tell Ziva at the very least to make her stop annoying him about his mystery woman, and, with that in mind, Jean was not even _his _secret; it was Jen's. So in fact, Tony had _not _kept any major secrets from Ziva. Come off it, it was not like he revealed everything about himself to the woman, but if he were suffering from some sickness, he would tell her.

" You think she'll get better?" McGee asked solemnly.

" Shut up McGee." Tony snapped. " I need to concentrate on driving."

They drove for a while in silence. It was very bright, the way mid-afternoons are, and on the road the other cars passed, their windows filled with stuffed animals and other little trinkets that, despite knowing better, made Tony feel all the passengers in those other cards are much happier than in this car.

" She's not going to get better, is she." McGee suddenly said quietly. " Boss wouldn't be acting this way if this were a temporary thing."

" Gee, Probie, you _really _don't know when to quit, do you?" God! McGee must be like that guy from Scrubs! He always needs a hug or something! Except that guy from Scrubs does not take himself _nearly _as seriously as McGee does!

" I just don't get why she didn't tell us." McGee defended himself. " I mean, we're a team. We've been working together for how long? We're practically like family."

Despite thinking this himself not too long before, Tony found himself sneering, catching on to that Scrubs reference, " Probie, only _you _are looking for Daddy Gibbs and Sister Abby at NCIS. Not everyone is as needy as you."

McGee heaved a sigh. Tony would have made fun of him for it, except it was clearly a sigh of annoyance, and resignation at Tony's expense. He glared a little in that direction, before concentrating again on his driving.

They arrived at the base.

" Went drinking with the other boys." Said one pilot, a dorky looking man that resembled a rat without whiskers. " I don't know. Never made it back. We were so out of it though, we didn't really think much of it until we were all lined up to go jogging and everyone realized he wasn't there."

" Wait a minute, so you left him at the bar?"

" We walked back." Said the pilot. " We all left as a group. But I remember counting only five of us, when six of us went out."

Tony exchanged a glance with McGee.

" You're not...gonna tell them we went drinking, right?" Asked the pilot nervously. " I mean, we really weren't supposed to, but you know, it got really stressful and we all decided to just chill out and..." He went on.

Tony wondered what it was that they constantly had to interview the _weird _people in the military. At first he had thought all the freaks collected with the navy, but apparently the air force had its share too.

" We'll tell them what we need to." McGee replied, and Tony had to silently commend the other man for that, because it instantly shut the pilot up.

" It's a good thirty miles from where they were." McGee said to Tony when they let the pilot go.

" Assuming he was with them at all." Tony replied, but not very enthusiastically.

" Nah." McGee shook his head. " This guy doesn't seem the type."

" Keep it in mind anyway, Probie."

oO

' Instant messaging was never my preferred method of long-distance contact.'

' You don't have a preferred method that is fast enough, Yilen.'

' Is there something I can do for you? There is a twelve-hour time difference.'

' I know.'

Ziva leaned back and took a deep breath. She resisted looking up at Gibbs to see if he noticed her discomfort. So long as she did not behave like he should not notice, even if he did, he would not ask her any questions.

' Yilen'

After a pause, where Ziva did not type anything, Yilen replied : ' Yes Ziva?'

Ziva felt bad. She knew she was wasting time. ' I have been diagnosed with Spinal Muscular Atrophy.'

There was a long pause, partially because Yilen, Ziva knew, was looking this up, and partially because Ziva, for a moment, was at a loss as to how to go on.

Finally, Yilen began typing again. ' What can I do for you, Ziva?'

No expressions of concern. It must be her Chinese upbringing; always to the point. There was nothing to be said, and she knew Ziva would not appreciate idle chatter. Not in a case like this.

' I have some unfinished business. I have little time.'

' If it involves my coming to the States, I fear it may be difficult.'

Ziva did not know what to say. It did involve her coming to the states.

Acknowledging that pause, Yilen went on, ' Is it work related?'

' Yes.'

' My superiors remember you. If it is related to your work, it may relate to mine as well.'

Ziva knew what she was saying. If it was related to the Mossad, it is possible fo Yilen to _make _it related to her work.

' Can you?' Ziva asked.

This time the pause was purely on Yilen's side. After a long moment of silence, Yilen replied,

' Send me what you can. I will update you as soon as possible.'

Ziva could not help smiling in relief.

' Thank you, Yilen. I owe you one.'

' Do not thank me.' Even though instant messaging tended to mask the warmth of any word, the statement was probably thought of as coldly in Yilen's mind as Ziva heard it. Ziva was about to close the window, when another line appeared. ' You do not deserve this.'

Yilen went offline.

Ziva knew Yilen meant the disease. It was as affectionate as Yilen ever got, but as Ziva had learned in the past, any affection from Yilen was invaluable.


	7. Chapter 7

To Die Standing

Chapter 7

" So I was so distracted by the _blood _of our guy that I didn't bother checking his _clothes._"

" You honestly think the dirt on his clothes would give us any clues." McGee looked at Abby intensely.

" It's evidence," Abby lifted the man's pants. " It's all smudged and gross. Wonder what with. Can you look at that?"

McGee stared at the garments. Whatever it was, he was certain he did not want to touch it. He looked up at Abby, who was wearing an open, bright expression. He half wondered if she was truly ignorant, or she was tormenting him on purpose.

He took the garments.

" Thanks McGee!"

Abby then turned to her computer. " Oh come on," She exclaimed. " This program needs debugging. It entered an infinite loop! I've been using you for years, and you've never entered an infinite loop. Why now? Why now?"

" Need me to debug it for you?" McGee asked, eager to do something other than the garments.

" I can debug it." Abby replied, opening the source files. " God, I can't believe, now of all times. I hate debugging. Debugging sucks."

The elevator doors opened.

" You gonna tell me what it is?" Tony asked, as Ziva walked ahead, exasperated. " Since when did Mossad agents have friendly chats with folks in China?"

" I don't have to do the explaining, DiNozzo," Ziva retorted angrily. " Looking over on my computer when I'm not watching is one thing. Downright hacking into the memory is another." She took a brief millisecond to wonder where Tony learned to hack in the first place, then gave way back to her anger.

" Hey, it's impossible to look over your shoulder without you knowing." Tony defended, half using the opportunity to cool his partner's ire with some flattery. " And…I…was worried."

" About what?" Ziva snapped back harshly, causing both Abby and McGee to stop what they were doing. " Maybe I was _leaking information._ That what you were checking for?"

" No!" Tony cried, a bit dismayed. He could tell Ziva was furious. As she turned back away from him, he saw a bright flash in her eyes, like that caused by tears. She headed over to Abby without blinking. " You have anything?" She asked, in a voice that was still forceful, but less angry.

Noting her temper, Abby said cautiously, " Well, McGee's checking the pants, and I'm trying to debug this problem that _suddenly _came up—"

" Wait a minute," Tony broke in, breaking out of his stupor, " _You're _the one that's been keeping things from us! Why the hell are _you _angry?"

Ziva turned to Tony with a long-suffering expression. " DiNozzo, even if I _were _keeping stuff from you, it's _my _business."

" Hey…" Tony began lamely, " I didn't even see what you said…"

" That's not the point!"

Throwing up her hands angrily, she stormed back to the elevator. The doors closed behind her.

Knowing she had come down to get away from Tony, Abby and McGee did not question why she left without getting more information from them.

" You hacked into her computer?" McGee asked.

" Why did you do that Tony?" Abby asked. " That's really rude, you know."

" Hey, is anyone else wondering at all about why she's talking to some Chinese person?"

" Friend? Relative? Who cares?" Abby pushed a finger into Tony's shoulder. " I'm so feeling for Ziva right now, I swear."

" I didn't even see anything!"

" She caught you?" McGee asked knowingly.

Tony threw McGee a dark look.

" Seriously Tony! Social integrity! You don't bust into your friend's systems! You only bust into your enemy's!" She sighed. Then she whacked him. " And I can't believe you didn't get anything out of it either."

oO

Yilen set her baggage down for a moment so she could reach into her purse to take her mirror out. She looked at her face to check her makeup, then surreptuously moved the mirror to the side to look behind her. There was a man looking earnestly at her. He was dressed like a tourist. Some American, it looks like.

Yilen found it very difficult to like the US, due to the trouble their agents usually gave her. No doubt, they disliked her too, for the trouble she gives them. At the moment, however, her primary job is to get to the US and help Ziva. This agent behind her cannot know that, and no doubt he thought her up to some foulplay. Not for the first time, she wished she had a private jet. In that case she would not have to deal with stalkers at an airport.

So, should she try to lose him, or should she just take him out of the picture?

Taking him out of the picture fit her mood much more.

She put her mirror away and lifted her bags. Some parts of the airport are more populated than others, and she only needed about three seconds to take him out. Three seconds would not suffice to alleviate her foul mood, but spies learn to take what they can get.

Of all people…Ziva David. Why does this always hit the ones that are most promising? Gritting her teeth, the young, fair woman began walking briskly, fuming with repressed anger. Yes, this man will be receiving the brunt of it.

There are certain areas of an airport that are more abandoned than others. She began walking briskly in that direction without looking back, confident that the man was following. Then, with the skill of a spy, she turned and hid.

Surprised and confused, the man abruptly stopped, then looked around. He was not close enough yet, nor in the right position. She waited patiently.

Finally, the man moved close enough. She reached out, grabbed him by the neck and pulled harshly. She slammed his head twice against the wall. As the man slumped, she patted her hands off, and stepped back out, picking up her baggage.

Now she had about sixteen hours of flight to look forward to.

oO

" So…there's something going on with Ziva, and she's not telling us what it is?" Abby ran the program again. " Great! It's fixed."

" Pretty much. She has Gibbs freaked out."

" Gibbs doesn't seem freaked out to me," Abby looked up at Tony.

" Trust me." Tony whispered. " He is."

" What do you think is going on then?"

" I don't know." Tony scowled a little. " Might have something to do with her newfound clumsiness."

" Ziva, _clumsy?"_

" Yeah, I know."

" Wait," Abby looked genuinely concerned now, " What would cause her to be clumsy?"

Unable to resist the chance to embarrass his partner in some way, Tony quipped back, " Oh, I don't know, old age, maybe, possibly if she has a crush on someone—"

" No no no," Abby said quickly. " It's gotta be something big. Not like that."

" Well if she had a crush on someone it would be big."

" Tony, she did have a crush on someone. She didn't exactly become Ms. Butterfingers."

Tony grinned.

The elevator sounded, and Gibbs came out, holding Caf-pow in one hand and coffee in the other. " What have you got, Abby?"

" Well, McGee and I took a look at the pants—they're covered with a spore from a type of mushroom called _Mycena cyanorrhiza,_ which is really hard to detect but we discovered it because it stains blue—"

" Abby, what does this mean?"

" Well, first of all, cyanorrhiza contains a hallucinogen psilocybin."

Gibbs stared at her. " Meaning?"

" Shrooms, Gibbs."

" Our victim was drugged?" Tony blinked.

" Not necessarily—considering it's all over his pants, he isn't necessarily drugged. I ran a check to see where we would actually find the mushroom, and there's only place that has enough to justify having enough mushrooms to crush spores into his pants, is in the botanical garden."

" Sounds reasonable." Tony looked at Gibbs.

" Were they on the second victim as well?" Gibbs asked.

" Looking through the results as we speak."

" Good work, Abby. We're heading out."

oO

The mushrooms did not look disturbed.

" If they were all over the legs," Ziva blinked, " But the spores could be in the soil."

" Here." Tony handed a bag to her. " Take a sample or something."

" DiNozzo," Gibbs snapped, " _You _can bag the evidence. Ziva can come with me."

Tony glanced at Ziva, momentarily confused. Ziva gave Gibbs an exasperated look.

" Now, if you will?" Gibbs demanded.

Ziva handed the bag over to Tony. It was obvious Gibbs merely did not want Ziva doing the dirty work, but neither made any mention of it.

" No one came by?" Gibbs continued questioning the manager. " Not at night?"

" I wouldn't know. The security guard would know, but I'm not sure how they work." The manager said apologetically. " I mean, we certainly don't have any signs of foulplay around here, everything looked normal."

" Do you keep leeches around here?"

" Leeches?" The manager scowled. " This isn't the Amazon. We have tropical plants here, yes, but we don't have leeches—the very idea!"

Gibbs rolled his eyes while the manager turned around, still exclaiming the absurdity of the suggestion.

" Any one of your people work late hours?"

" Joe stays late on Fridays in order to tend to the butterflies. He leaves at around eight or nine."

" And this garden closes at five?" Ziva asked.

" Yeah."

" Why so late?" Ziva asked. " Surely the butterflies can handle themselves for an extra three hours."

" Egh, he has to go around checking that everything's okay, but if you really want to know the details you should ask Joe."

" Can you take us to him?" Gibbs asked.

The manager seemed to give an apologetic shrug. " Yeah he's in the office now, I think. I can take ye to him."


	8. Chapter 8

To Die Standing

Chapter 8

Joe turned out to be a rather handsome young man, with unassuming features. He looked alarmed when the manager showed up and introduced the agents.

" We need to ask you a few questions." Gibbs began when the introductions were finished.

" Uh, sure. What do you need?"

" You work late Friday nights?" Ziva asked.

" Yeah…sometimes."

Ziva cocked an eyebrow. " You single?"

The man looked at her for a moment. " Yeah." He said, with some hesitation. " What about it?"

Gibbs gave Ziva a warning glance. It would not do to appear suspicious too early. " Ever let any friends in the garden? Show them around, maybe."

" Uh, sure, occasionally—I mean, they come and pick me up so we can go to the club…if I may ask, what am I being questioned for?"

" You work with mushrooms?" Ziva asked.

" I work with everything in the garden."

" Do you plant them?"

Here the man looked a bit guarded. " Uh…yeah?" He looked genuinely confused. " Why?"

" Ever notice the mushrooms look like they were, you know, crushed?"

" Well, yeah, there's always some idiot who decides to step on the plants. We keep a little fence there but you know, kids, and jerks. They decide to walk over the plants and we'd have to either try to see if we can't save them or plant new ones. But mushrooms are resilient, as are most plants."

" Were they crushed recently?" Gibbs asked. " Did you have to replant them?"

" Uh, yeah, actually." Joe blinked repeatedly. " I also had to replant acacia. Rare breed, that, it was terrible. I don't know how they got crushed either, it was behind glass—"

" Tell DiNozzo to take some samples from the soil over there."

Ziva never imagined she would say something like this. " I can do it, Gibbs."

" No." Gibbs gave her a warning look. " Tell DiNozzo."

Not willing to make a scene, Ziva nodded briskly, and left Gibbs to find Tony. She then considered she could just do it herself—it was not as if Gibbs could tell the difference.

And for god's sake, the disease had not progressed that far yet. She wanted to still do things as long as she still can. She would have plenty of time, if all goes wrong, to depend on other people entirely afterwards.

Suddenly she stopped. She was trembling. It all seemed very surreal. One day she would not be able to stand. To walk. To talk. All of her training, the ability to move faster than the eye can see—all gone to waste within a few years. She stared bitterly at her hands.

" Hey Zee-va," Tony broke into her thoughts. " Your hands mutating into paws or something?"

Irritated, she sneered, " Gibbs wants you to get a sample from the acacia garden."

" What?" Tony scowled. " You're lying. He'd just send you. No reason not to. What are you, growing lazy on us?" Then, out of the blue, " You aren't pregnant, are you?"

_" What?!" _Ziva resisted the urge to punch him.

" Well," Tony began, " I've heard strange things happen to a woman when they're pregnant. They get these mood swings, and they start eating funny, and act like they're delicate glass. Hm, maybe that's why you've suddenly become as graceful as a penguin."

" I'll go collect the sample." Ziva said coldly, walking past him. She jerked back in alarm when Tony suddenly caught her arm.

" Hey," He began lamely, thinking he should have probably asked this before. " You alright?"

She shook his hand off violently. " None of your concern."

" Look—"

" _No."_ Ziva pointed her finger at him. " I'm not in the mood."

" Well maybe we'd do a better job of adjusting to that if you'd tell us what the hell is wrong!"

" Nothing is wrong!"

" Nothing is wrong? You're only acting like a spoiled brat." _Crap._ But it was too late to take it back. Tony could only find some way to fix that with another comment. " If you didn't keep us all worrying, maybe we'd be annoying you less and helping you out _more!"_

It was not lost on Ziva, how hard it must be for someone like Tony to admit he was worried about her, but she was struggling to hold back her tears.

" Maybe if you respect me and my privacy _just a little bit," _she spat back, " You know, make an effort to do a less pathetic job of it than you usually do, I would be less of a _spoiled brat."_

Tony sighed as she started walking away again. " Look, Ziva, I didn't mean it."

Ziva took the opportunity to wipe her eyes without Tony seeing. She did not respond.

Tony started following her.

" I don't need your help to collect soil samples, Tony."

" Well if Gibbs really did order me to do it instead, I better try, at least." Too bad Ziva's hair was in a bun, he mused. He could tossle it and see if it made her feel any better. Although the last time he tried when she was in a particularly foul mood—somehow this feels like it is ten times worse.

Once again, Ziva chose to ignore his comment. A heavy silence rested over the two. Tony resisted the impulse to sigh. She might take it the wrong way.

oO

Later that evening, Ziva left work early. Tony watched her leave, then threw a paper ball at McGee.

" Hey, McGoggles, let's go."

" Huh?" McGee stared at him.

" Let's see where she's going!"

" What?" McGee scowled. " Are you crazy? You want us to stalk her?"

" Yup. Grab Abby. She'll want in on this too."

" That's right!" Abby chirped, scaring the living daylights out of McGee. " Come on, let's go!"

" But Gibbs—"

" Wouldn't mind." Tony glared at McGee. " She's a member of the team, and she's in trouble. Come on, get your act together."

McGee just stared at him.

Tony slapped the back of McGee's head. Hard.

" Ow!"

" Abby, help?" Tony gestured.

" Come on, McGee." Abby pinched him. " I want to see what Ziva's been up to lately. Is she really having a baby?"

" She's having a baby?"

Tony was fairly certain she was not, but he could not pass up the opportunity to have the two of them believe it. " Don't know." He replied, to exonerate him of any guilt of misleading them otherwise.

" Alright, stop pinching me!" McGee winced. " Geez. Fine. Let's go."

oO

Yilen was a beautiful woman. She was slim, the way most Asians were, with fine features and intelligent eyes. Her hair was cut short, accentuating her jawline. She was waiting for Ziva at a table already, some glasses of water already served. She was, at the moment, looking through the menu. Upon her arrival, the Chinese woman looked up, a small smile gracing her face.

" Ziva." She said quietly, then in Chinese, " It is good to see you."

" It is good to see you too." Ziva said in Hebrew, knowing that while Yilen may not be able to speak it, she understood it. " Thank you for coming."

They kissed each other's cheeks in greeting. Ziva then sat down.

" I am sorry we have to meet this way." Yilen began, still in her native dialect. " I was hoping we would meet again under happier circumstances."

Ziva smiled sadly. " I am happy to see you." She insisted in Hebrew. " Sorry about not being able to pick you up at the airport."

" It is nothing."

In a parked car across the street, McGee, Tony, and Abby stared through the window.

" Who's that lady?" Abby asked.

" She's hot." Tony instantly opined.

" Looks like a friend of Ziva's."

" Ziva knows Asian people?"

" Why not?"

" Well, I don't know. Weird. She was IMing someone Chinese earlier too."

" The one you tried to peek at that she caught you for?" Abby asked knowingly.

" …Yeah." Tony bit his lip and let out a breath. " Geez, what could they be talking about?"

" Well Ziva looks like she's talking in Hebrew, and I have no clue what that Chinese woman is saying."

" You sure she's Chinese?"

" Chinese, Japanese, does it matter at this point?"

Yilen looked into her glass. " We are being watched."

Yilen and Ziva were both good spies, but Ziva was much better at keeping herself hidden when she wanted to, and Yilen was better at detecting unwanted spectators. Ziva also lowered her eyes into her glass of water. " Who?" She asked.

" Don't know." Yilen replied. " I am not completely familiar with this country. But some Caucasians, two male and one female."

Ziva raised an eyebrow, bemused. " Huh."

" Girl is black-haired, in pigtails."

_Abby?_

" The two men are brunettes." Yilen continued. " One looks like a lady's man. The other looks like a computer technician."

" Ah." Ziva confirmed it silently. Yilen was good at identifying the nature of her unwanted spectators as well. " Don't worry about them. They're my friends."

Yilen regarded her for a moment. Ziva did not know they were following her; that much was obvious. She then prodded, " Do they always stalk you like this?"

" No." Ziva admitted. " I haven't told them."

" You do not trust them."

" No…I do…but…" Ziva sighed. " They're good people…but they're not…the wisest bunch."

" Hm." Yilen replied. " So you do not trust them."

Ziva considered it for a moment. " I guess not." She fell silent. " How long did they give you?" She asked.

" Two months." Yilen replied. " I cannot reasonably ask for more."

" When we get back to my flat, I'll let you know the details."

" Alright." Yilen smiled. She gestured at the menu. " Order something."

Ziva laughed, half out of sadness.

" This is so pointless." McGee was complaining. " We can't even tell what they're doing or saying."

" He's right actually." Abby agreed. " I don't see what we can learn here."

Suddenly, Yilen reached out to Ziva. The three froze, but the Chinese woman had merely prevented Ziva's glass of water from tipping over.

Tony whistled. " Damn that's fast reflexes.

" What the hell was that?" McGee asked.

" That was another show of Ziva's newfound clumsiness."

" That woman seems to know the story though. She's not even commenting on it."

" Ziva trusts this Asian chick more than us!" Tony exclaimed. " Now that's wrong!"

They watched as Ziva and the strange woman laughed it off for a bit.

" We should pay attention to the Asian girl." Abby stated. " If she knows something, maybe Ziva might need our help."

" Doesn't look like there's any tense atmosphere going on." Tony replied jealously. " I can't believe she could tell this woman and not us."

" Yeah, considering we're like, her family." Abby agreed, equally put out. " She'd at least tell _me _if she's having a baby."

The three continued to watch, but they learned nothing new for the rest of the night, except that the woman was most likely staying over with Ziva.


	9. Chapter 9

To Die Standing

Chapter 9

The next day no one made any mention of the stranger they had seen Ziva with the previous evening. Ziva saw no reason to bring the subject up, and the entire day passed with great tension and little relief. Ziva spilled more papers, broke her mug, had trouble focusing, but Gibbs made no comment.

Abby found the acacia residues on the second victim, which confirmed the garden as the site of the crime. McGee was charged with finding any records of leeches being shipped in. Tony was to look into protactinium, and Ziva was given nothing that the other team members knew of. She was quite busy at her computer, however, leading them to wonder if Gibbs had given her an assignment of her own—but Ziva's attitude prevented anyone from questioning her out loud.

As efficient as the team was, there were in fact days when no visible progress was made. Cross with everyone, even Ziva, Gibbs sent everyone home with the warning to come back after the weekend in better shape. Tony, unable to let things stand between the two of them as they were, followed Ziva out.

" We need to talk."

Ziva would normally find his behavior endearing. " What about?" She asked, still smarting from past irritation.

" Look." Tony sighed. " I'm sorry, alright? I'll admit I was in the wrong here."

" Completely."

" Look, you weren't the epitome of—oh come on." He paused. Being the mature one was still difficult, as many times as he had been playing the part lately. " We've worked together for years, Ziva."

Silence descended between the two, as Ziva considered that comment.

" You're right." She said finally. She turned around.

" What," Tony protested, " No hug?"

" Hug?" Ziva scowled in disbelief.

" Come on," Tony found himself begging. " Just because I was wrong, doesn't mean you haven't told us what's wrong."

" I believe I said it was my business." She sneered.

" We're your friends." Tony said in a sudden moment of clarity. " Your problems are our problems. We're in this together."

Ziva opened her mouth to retort, but found she had no comeback for that one.

" I can't help getting the feeling that…" Tony sighed. He was sounding like such a sissy! But maybe now was the time to be a little weak, just so Ziva was confident enough to confide in him. She would feel much better about revealing something wrong with her, he figured, if she felt she had some leverage. " Look, that sperm donation thing—in the end I told you about it."

" This is nothing like you yacking off for a 'good cause'." Ziva replied coldly.

" Hey!" Tony exclaimed, not bothering to correct her. " Look, seriously, I know. Okay?" She was starting to walk away, so Tony caught up with her, " It's nothing like yours. My situation didn't put my life in danger."

Ziva froze. It seemed he hit some string. Tony resisted a sigh again. He was doing that a lot lately. " I don't want to lose you," He tried again, then lowered his eyes. How did it come out _that _way?

Ziva turned to him, her eyes very sharp, burrowing deep into him, piercing his very heart. Tony was suddenly struck with how beautiful she was—a concentrated intelligence, strength, and courage moulded into the form of a woman. He was instantly washed with the feeling that this woman was, in fact, alive, breathing, real, something precious, something valuable, to be treasured, to be revered, worshipped—

" Who is it?"

Tony blinked. " Huh?"

Ziva had a mischievous smile on. " I know when you're rehearsing, you know." Her eyes glittered. " Who's the chick?"

What?

" I don't know what you're talking about."

" Oh come on, Tony." She held her nose high. " Really, I'm impressed. You really know what to say to a woman now. You hardly need to practice on me."

_She thinks I'm rehearsing my lines with her?_

" There's no woman, and I'm not rehearsing." Tony replied dryly, feeling annoyed. " And even if there is another hot chick, I certainly have enough style not to need to practice with _you."_

" Keep telling yourself that." Ziva smirked, and walked away to her car, leaving Tony fuming a little.

_That woman is so annoying! _Tony thought resentfully. _And I was only trying to be nice to her. If she's going to act like this, I'll stop worrying about her—_

And then Tony realized he had just been expertly and completely diverted from his original goal.

" Damn it!"

oO

" There are a lot of Mossad agents in the US." Yilen observed. " I did not realize the alliance is so strong."

Ziva swung her bag onto the table and shrugged off her coat. " We need each other."

" I can understand that." Yilen lifted the paper and held it to the candle. Ziva grimaced a little at the smell in the room, but did not complain.

" I see a busy day ahead of me tomorrow." Yilen smiled at Ziva.

" I can help." Ziva offered.

Yilen considered her. " I certainly will not oppose that, if you feel up to it."

" You're the one with jetlag." Ziva laughed. " Really, I would much rather you feel truly comfortable before…"

Yilen took her hand. " Ziva, we are old friends. Let's not be too courteous, hm?"

Ziva smiled.

" But I will come." She insisted. " This is my problem, after all. One I merely cannot do alone."

" Alright then." Yilen smiled. She looked at another piece of paper. She did not read it out loud, but Ziva knew she was memorizing everything intently. She then lifted it to the candle.

At the bar, Tony was being quieter than usual, which caught the attention of Abby.

" He's just sad because he doesn't have a girlfriend." McGee took a drink.

" Look who's talkin'." Tony shot back, more irritated than he knew he should.

" Oh come on, lay off him McGee." Abby slapped McGee lightly on the arm. " Ziva still mad at you? She'll get over it. You know, pregnant women were always in a weird mood. Thought you would figure out such a thing."

" She's not pregnant." Tony shook his head. He was in too foul a mood to continue playing such a thing.

" How do you know?" McGee asked.

" Not her." Tony shook his head. " She'd be better about it than this. This is different."

" Well maybe she's worried she won't be able to support the kid."

" That doesn't make sense though." Abby protested. " She could just withdraw from Mossad for maternity leave, can't she? Nothing wrong with that."

" Who'd she be sleeping with?" Tony cocked an eyebrow. " She hasn't mentioned any guy. We'd know if there is a guy."

" You don't know that. It's Ziva."

" Well we're her mates." Tony slammed his beer down.

" Mates?" McGee blinked. " Going New England on us?"

" Shut up McGeek." Tony snapped. " There's something wrong, and she's not trusting us with it."

" Maybe it's better if we leave this alone for her to sort out." Abby said hesitantly.

Tony shook his head. " No. I get the feeling it's bad. It's really really bad."

He raised his mug and tipped the rest of the beer into his mouth.

oO

Yilen looked around. She had been in the position where she knew she could trust the backup she had under normal circumstances, yet this time was afraid of things going wrong. Normally, if Ziva and she were working together, they were unstoppable. But Ziva is stricken with illness, and while it seemed to be no worse than some occasional lapses in articulation when Ziva is not focused, Yilen could not help but wonder when it would suddenly progress.

Because it will progress.

" _There's a bunch of men to your right,_" She heard Ziva say. " _I can't see them very clearly, but they're there._"

" How many?"

" _Seven._"

That was nothing. Yilen could just as easily evade them as attack. Since this was Ziva's 'mission' and not hers, she chose to evade. Her skills at keeping hidden were not as fine-tuned as Ziva's, but they were still formidable.

She could see the door, as she moved through the large boxes. Really, this was too easy. The terrorists around here not only put themselves in a maze, they do not post any guards to check behind the mazes. In China, Japanese soldiers have fallen many times from this mistake.

" _Stop._" Ziva suddenly spoke. " Three are passing by. You should be able to hide behind the lumber."

Yilen went low and did so. She heard the men speaking in Arabic as they passed by. She peered over the wood. There it was. The door.

Once they passed out of hearing range, Yilen spoke. " I think I'll wait here for a moment."

" _Alright."_

Normally, if this were a mission, Yilen would have burst into that door. The surprise alone would have placed her at an advantage. She would use her quick reflexes to target the boss, and if there were others with him, hold him hostage, then kill the others. She has done that before, it was almost childsplay. But this was not a mission, not a real one, at any rate, and it was not necessary to work so hastily. She could afford to wait until that door opens, to gauge whether or not a fight will ensue, not to mention an idea of the layout of the room. Just for better peace of mind.

At last the door opened. It did not give her full view of the room, but enough to know there was her target and at most one other person. She readied her gun as the door closed, but did not cock it until the door opened again. She flicked the gun as the door shut.

_" Be careful."_

" Be careful" is such a pointless warning when it came to spying most of the time, because most of the time being careful is not enough. A better promise would be " Be sharp", or something of that sort. Reacting quickly, regardless of what action, often saves lives more than simply being cautious. Spies must have a fast reflex of both mind and body.

But be careful has come to be more of a prayer for safe return than anything. Yilen smiled. She did not answer, instead she peered past the lumber to see the other men still distracted.

Then she gathered herself and moved quietly to the door and opened it. She slipped through and closed it silently before the individuals in there could even react. She did not even need to fire the muted gun—there was only one other woman besides her target. She hit the woman in the back of the head with her gun and pointed it to the man as the woman fell, unconscious.

" Ah—" She smiled, as the man started to speak. " I wouldn't do that if I were you."

She then knocked the man out. " I'm in."

" _Sounded like there were two._" Ziva observed.

" There were." Yilen replied. " His girlfriend, I assume."

" _What does she look like?"_

Hm, strange that she would ask that. " Hm, average height, thin, bit thinner than a mistress would, I think. Red hair. She's wearing khaki's and boots. Looks like she's a member, actually."

" _She is. She's even more dangerous than Amid. Her name is Husn, though that's not her work name."_

" I'd imagine not. What do you want me to do?" Yilen asked, while taking the syringe full of concentrated potassium.

Ziva's answer came without pause. _" Take them both out."_


	10. Chapter 10

To Die Standing

Chapter 10

" That went easily," Ziva said happily as she unlocked the door to her apartment. " Were that all real missions were easy."

" Maybe you should direct instead." Yilen joked. " Then again, we were not jumping in on them at a critical moment, even for them. Had they been importing or exporting weapons, I imagine it would have been much more difficult."

" That's true." Ziva laughed, as she took a hanger and gestured to hang Yilen's coat. Yilen shrugged off her coat and handed it to her, before stiffening a little bit. Not noticing, Ziva went on, " I'm glad that is over with. Those two were the ones I was most afraid of, once I'm gone…_Tony?!"_

" Hey hey hey!" Tony was sitting on the couch like he owned the place. " Who's your friend there, eh? Beautiful lady." He winked at Yilen, who was not impressed.

" You know him?" She asked, while stepping in front of Ziva to block his view of her, but Ziva tapped her shoulder lightly.

" Yeah, he's my partner at NCIS—Tony what the _hell _are you doing in my apartment?"

" Where the hell have you been all day?"

" I'm asking the questions here, mister!" Ziva began stomping angrily towards him. " You don't just barge into my home without—"

Her words were cut off as, for seemingly no reason, her ankle gave out. She collapsed to the side, hitting her head against the wall.

" Whoa!" Tony exclaimed, jumping up from his seat. Yilen hurried to her friend. Ziva sat up, relatively unhurt, but stunned.

" Are you alright?" Tony asked, with real concern, shocked that something like this could happen to someone like Ziva _again_. " You're okay, right? How's your head? God, Ziva, you should be more careful!" He started helping her up, but Ziva knocked his hand away and relied on Yilen instead, who supported her as she made her way to the couch to sit down. For a moment Ziva sat, a long wavering moment, trying to restrain her tears.

" It's alright." Yilen said soothingly, holding Ziva's hand tightly. " It's alright." She smoothed out some locks of hair that had fallen out of place due to the fall and rubbed Ziva's back. " It's okay."

Tony knelt in front of where Ziva sat, watching her.

Finally the battle was over. Ziva lost.

" Are you _satisfied_?" She cried, as she broke into tears. " Are you? You just _had _to see me like this, didn't you?"

Tony had no clue what she was talking about, but he certainly did not come here to see her cry. The vision shocked him into complete silence for a moment.

" Hey," He leaned forward, bracing his hands on Ziva's knees, " No, I didn't come here to see anything. I was just worried, that's all."

" Oh sure." Ziva laughed contemptuously. " That was all you wanted, sure. You couldn't respect my privacy, you couldn't respect my dignity! Damn you Tony," She shot up and nearly fell again, but Yilen was there to support her—" You want to know what's going on? You want it? I have SMA, that's what's going on! _Spinal Muscular Atrophy!_ You want Ducky to tell you what that is? Why don't you go and ask Ducky now?"

She was wobbling, and Yilen forced her to sit down before she could hurt herself.

Tony was speechless. " No." He said quietly. " I don't need to ask Ducky."

The name itself was a clue enough.

Ziva buried her face in her hands as she started sobbing in earnest, her previous good mood entirely ruined. Yilen pulled her close, making comforting hushing noises.

Tony took a long moment to absorb the information. Whatever he had been dreading, this went along the lines of it, he realized.

" There's no cure?" He guessed.

Yilen shook her head silently.

Ziva wiped her eyes harshly, then stood again. She nearly toppled, but righted herself, then stepped past Tony, into the bedroom. The door closed.

Yilen sat there, staring at the door for a moment, before turning her attention towards Tony.

" She hasn't told you?" Yilen asked.

" No." Tony replied quietly.

Yilen looked at the door. " Stubborn." She remarked.

" Yeah." Tony agreed, for the first time feeling truly hurt. " What did she think I'd do, make fun of her for this?"

" You seem the type." Yilen replied bluntly. " But I think it had less to do with how you'll react, and more to do with how she'd face you."

Tony sat down on the rug.

" I was only trying to look out for her." He found himself admitting. " Was…was worried." He finished lamely.

Yilen looked at him. " I didn't say you did anything wrong." She pointed out. " She needed to tell as much as you needed to hear."

Tony rubbed his temples. Why did things get so complicated? " What should I tell the others?" He asked sadly.

Yilen remembered the girl with pigtails and the guy in the car with Tony.

" That's up to you." Yilen replied. She stood and headed to the kitchen to make some tea for herself, leaving Tony sitting in front of the couch.

oO

Ziva came out half an hour later. She was washing her face with a wet towel. She stopped when she saw Tony sitting near the table.

" You're still here." She remarked, in a much more subdued manner.

" Yeah." Tony tried to come up with something to break the silence that fell again. " Where'd you meet your friend?"

" Three years before I came to NCIS." Ziva replied. Strange how easy it is to act like everything was normal again. No grudges, no anger, nothing. She had not expected that, and neither, apparently, did Tony, but it was a pleasant enough surprise. " We were on the same mission and didn't know it. I saw her first. She sensed me, knew I was there, just didn't know who I was or where I was. We had a little bit of a war of skills for about three hours."

Yilen came by, with three bowls of hot porridge.

" She is very skilled." Yilen smiled a little. " Forced me to wander around in circles for three more hours than I had to."

The two women shared a grin.

" Wander around in circles?" Tony blinked. " Why?"

" Ah yes, you are a police officer, of sorts." Yilen nodded. " That requires different skills. Ziva and I were both in targetting the same person at the time. Ziva was sent to assassinate someone, I was sent to retrieve information and kill the same person if necessary. I knew there was someone watching me, I didn't know who or where, so in order to distract whoever it was I made many detours and stopped to do many things. She always kept up with me though."

" Wanted to see what she was up to." Ziva shrugged.

" Finally it became clear that neither of us was going to make a mistake." Yilen went on. " So I called a truce."

" How?"

" By going to a restaurant and ordering for two people." Ziva replied. " I was following her all along, knew she wasn't meeting anyone. I knew the second seat was for me."

" An offer to meet face to face, peacefully." Yilen nodded. " Neither of us could wage war on the other in such public places. I wanted to see if whoeer it was would step out."

" And I did."

" We found out our goals complemented one another. Our superiors approved the alliance."

" Remained friends ever since."

" Where was this? Who were you hunting?" Tony asked.

The two women smiled.

" That would be telling, wouldn't it?" Yilen looked over at Ziva.

Tony leaned back. " That explains why you called her. Although," He frowned as he thought for a while, the depth of what is happening now truly sinking in. Ziva had once been incredible, so incredible she could outsmart other spies and form alliances from respect alone, and now all of that is slowly but surely disappearing. One day Ziva would be reduced to a motionless husk, and nothing can be done to avoid that.

" You could have told us too, you know. I wouldn't have made fun of you for that." He said finally.

" I know." Ziva's eyes looked far away. She looked so absolutely beautiful. " I know Tony."

oO

" He loves you."

Ziva smiled a little. It was funny how much faith she had in her friend's judgment. Yilen's skills at reading faces exceeded even her own. She had no doubt Yilen was right, especially as Yilen had said it out loud. The Chinese have a way of being very reserved; in fact, Yilen was being unusually open about her observations now. She was also warmer, friendlier, more understanding that she used to be. Perhaps it was because she knew how much Ziva needed honesty these days.

" He doesn't seem to know himself." Yilen continued. " You don't seem to know your own feelings either."

" Tony's a bit of a player." Ziva dropped the knife in the sink. She pretended she meant to do that. " It's hard to trust him, especially as he doesn't quite trust himself."

" He is very hurt by your rejection."

" What rejection?"

" You didn't tell him." Yilen pointed out.

Ziva was silent.

" Why didn't you?"

" I didn't want him to view me differently." Ziva smiled wistfully. " Would have worked too, if he weren't so pushy." She looked at Yilen.

Yilen considered her. " Give him a little credit." She said.

Ziva found herself laughing at that.

" He certainly behaved himself today." Yilen pointed out. " He may help you through this better than I can. You've worked together for years."

" Yeah." Ziva nodded, sighing.

Yilen stood. " I'll cook us something."

" I can cook."

" You're upset." Yilen replied.

Ziva sighed again. She was.


	11. Chapter 11

To Die Standing

Chapter 11

Ziva's usual grace was notably absent the following Monday morning. She looked exhausted and constantly tried to find time to rest. McGee tried to ask her what was wrong, but both Tony and Ziva brushed him off.

To cover up her sudden slow and weary state, Tony headed over to Ziva's computer where he did all the searches "with" her, though most of the time Ziva was leaning on her chair, on the table, or even on Tony in a desperate attempt to rest without actually doing so.

" You should go home." Tony whispered to her when Gibbs was not looking.

" No." Ziva said a little louder. " No, I'm fine."

Gibbs looked their way at this, and he grimaced a little before turning away again. Though Tony was cunning in his own right, Gibbs already knew what he was doing; discretely prolonging Ziva's stay by helping her as much as he could without seeming like he was taking over her work.

He will let Tony do it though. No reason why not. Ziva wanted to delay this as much as possible, he knew. Time will come when she will not be able to continue. This is her last case, after all.

Ziva fell asleep then, and not comfortable with waking her, Tony allowed her to rest while he silently continued his work. It was the quietest the group had ever been—usually mild insults and jokes would fly between the desks, but McGee was silent and Ziva was not awake to taunt him.

_Damn you, _Tony thought, not sure who he was cursing at. _It shouldn't be Ziva. Shouldn't be Ziva, not Ziva._

Gibbs was tempted to let the case rest for the moment, just so Ziva could; it was inconceivable though, as the world cannot wait for Ziva. Very soon, his sharp command for information woke Ziva up again.

McGee gave her a worried look, but wisely kept quiet when Tony glared at him. It was a deep glare, harsher than his normal glares.

" I'm following a lead here, I'm not sure yet." McGee announced.

" Put it up." Gibbs ordered.

" Well, I'm not sure if it'll lead anywhere yet," McGee uploaded his monitor onto the screen. " But it's an illegal transport of tropical pets, I think from Brazil. According to the files, it's been going on for a while before they were caught. I have five names here," And the names were displayed on the screen, " These men were all involved."

" Where are they now?"

" Jail," McGee wrote the address, " Awaiting trial. They were caught last week."

" Let's talk to them." Gibbs glanced at the tired Ziva, who was fumbling a little with her backpack strap. Tony had moved over to his own desk. The older man's jaw clenched at how uncoordinated she had become. She was going to be a detriment to the team very soon, if not already; but right now he could allow her involvement. It was just an interrogation. She would probably feel better just being there, even if she did not do anything; leaving her here all by herself was out of question.

oO

The interrogations were unsatisfactory, and Gibbs came back in an irate mood. He went to Abby's lab with a Caf-Pow hoping she would have something for him, even though she had not called him. Instead of finding her working, though, he found her browsing WebMD, looking up things like Huntingtons disease, muscular dystrophy, and stranger ones like spinal cerebellar ataxia.

" Abby, what are you doing?" He asked.

Abby whirled around in her chair, her pigtails flying. " Okay, so you know how Ziva's been weird lately? Well of course you know, you're her boss. I'm just so worried, because she's been getting sick-looking, and an hour ago while I was running the machines I suddenly had a horrible horrible thought: what if she's all weird because she _was _sick? But then if she's just sick with a cold or something she would just tell us wouldn't she I mean that sort of thing is," she took a breath, " not exactly something you would keep to yourself and you'd just ask for a day off and then you come right back or you give someone a head's up I mean, " She took another breath, " She wouldn't be so secretive that not even _Tony _knows what's going on. So then I thought, maybe it was something more serious, and then I suddenly got really scared and I must must must must make sure that Ziva doesn't have one of _those _things." She pointed at the screen.

Gibbs felt breathless just listening to her, but then he could count a number of times when that has happened before. Now though, he stared at the screen, wondering how to approach Abby and whether or not he should let her know just how close she was to the truth.

" Abby," He said quietly, " Shouldn't you be working?"

" But Gibbs, I'm worried about Ziva!"

Gibbs studied her for a long time. " Get to work, Abby." He said in a gentle, yet firm tone. " Ziva's in good hands."

Abby looked at him with what could only be termed as puppy-eyes. " Promise?"

Gibbs held out the Caf-Pow, before turning around silently and walking away.

Supposing it were Abby. She was always so lively too. Abby with her hugs and that slight hop in her gait.

Supposing it were his daughter. His long lost daughter. She would have been full-grown by now, younger than Ziva, but with the same vivacity, perhaps, had she lived. All the hopes and dreams, the goals, the romances, the prince charmings yet to come. SMA usually targets the young, during childhood. All those dreams, crippled instantly. It is tougher to cope with broken hopes when they were formed already, than when such dreams were not born yet. Gibbs found himself hoping that Ziva had many friends back in Israel. If she did not, he was not sure he wanted her to go home.

It did not matter who else it could have been. If anyone he cared about had been struck by this, Gibbs would not feel better or worse than he did.

_Gibbs, I have to talk to you._

_Yes Ziva?_

_I have SMA._

Ziva David was a grown woman. She could take care of herself. She could do anything that could be done by one person. How many things in life cannot, after all?

_One last case. That is all I ask._

_I can't let you do this._

_I killed my brother for you! I risked my family, my honor, for your life! You owe me! You owe me more than this, but this is all I am asking! _One last case_!_

" Boss, I found something that might be a clue to what's going on." McGee began when Gibbs came back upstairs. He bit his lip before continuing. " Apparently, our marine and pilot went to the same elementary school."

Gibbs considered this. " That's definitely a possible connection. Which elementary school, and where?"

" Some school in New York City." Said McGee, bringing the school up. " It was in Brooklyn. A long shot, but it's a start."

" Alright McGee. You're coming with me." Gibbs looked over to where Tony and Ziva were. Ziva looked really pale. She really should not be here. He would simply send her home, but knowing that Ziva lived alone, he hesitated. As McGee grabbed his bookbag, Gibbs stood for a moment, considering the two.

_So much for never dating co-workers._

In reality, Ziva was hardly going to hinder any progress by staying here. Tony could keep an eye on her, as well as the rest of NCIS. However, the director would notice if she keeps this up. NCIS agents were not supposed to fall asleep at their desks. He could just give Tony the reins and let the young man decide for himself, but…

" Uh, Boss?" McGee inquired. " Should we go?"

The team watched in bewilderment as their boss visibly struggled with the decision being made.

" Behave yourself, DiNozzo." He managed, before walking briskly to the elevator. " McGee! Hurry up!" He snapped, when McGee remained behind, staring at Tony and Ziva in confusion. With a start, McGee hurried after his leader, while Tony looked after the two.

Ziva just looked blankly in front of her.

_Behave myself?_ Tony thought, puzzled. _He stood there for a full minute in order to say that?_

" I think I better go home." Ziva suddenly said from beside him. " I'm not feeling well."

Tony suddenly realized why Gibbs had been so reluctant to leave. He had no idea living, breathing people could actually feel cold. There was a tremble to her hands, though they were lying limply on table, in front of the keys. Perhaps the emotional strain on the previous day had exhausted her?

" Okay." He rubbed Ziva's shoulders. " I'll take you home. Come on."


End file.
